I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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