Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
