I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
