Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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