Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize