dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
