WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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