Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
