I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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