Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
