On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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