I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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