just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you inspire me to be a worse person
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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