Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
