It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
