I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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