The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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