there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So apparently I’m into choking now
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