I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still dying that you shit outside
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
