dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
