Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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