woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize