Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
false alarm, still single
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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