So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
