hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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