My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
