I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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