They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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