a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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