I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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