Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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