Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
