sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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