yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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