We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
PANTIES FOUND
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