He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My dick has a subreddit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
