i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
