Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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