There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
