I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
