it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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