Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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