I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
