We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
