so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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