Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
