great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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