Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize