Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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