Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
