Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
