So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
