You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
