a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
