all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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