How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
