brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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