you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
