We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
