I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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