Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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