I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
