I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
