He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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