When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
