like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
