Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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