Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
