Do you still have your period?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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