Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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