can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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