I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
