Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
