How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
