I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
