i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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