if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
