Your tits are I can't wait for
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
