im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well you can't waste a boner
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize