I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize