Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
