hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize