also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
