I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
