i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
