I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
